k'telontour travel the world; but very S-L-O-W-L-Y...

C & H

2012-02-13T10:03:00.002+07:00

FAO BAFTA Anoraks

2012-02-13T10:02:00.003+07:00

:: Best Film:

The Artist

:: Outstanding British Film:

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

:: Outstanding debut by a British writer, director or producer:Tyrannosaur - Paddy Considine (director), Diarmid Scrimshaw (producer)

:: Foreign language film:

The Skin I Live In

:: Director:

The Artist - Michel Hazanavicius

:: Leading actor:

Jean Dujardin - The Artist

:: Leading actress:

Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady

:: Supporting actor:

Christopher Plummer - Beginners

:: Supporting actress:

Octavia Spencer - The Help

:: Documentary:

Senna

:: Animated film:

Rango

:: Original Screenplay:

The Artist - Michel Hazanavicius

:: Adapted screenplay:

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan

:: Original music:

The Artist

:: Cinematography:

The Artist

:: Editing:

Senna

:: Production design:

Hugo

:: Costume design:

The Artist

:: Make-up and hair:

The Iron Lady

:: Sound:

Hugo

:: Special visual effects:

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2

:: Short animation:

A Morning Stroll

:: Short film:

Pitch Black Heist

:: The Orange Wednesdays Rising Star Award (previously announced, and voted by the public)

Adam Deacon

:: Award for Outstanding British Contribution to Cinema

John Hurt

:: Bafta Fellowship

Martin Scorsese

I Didn't See It

2012-02-13T09:57:00.000+07:00

Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has leapt to the defence of striker Luis Suarez after the forward spent yesterday evening on a murderous rampage that left fourteen dead and dozens more wounded.

After their 2-1 defeat to rivals Manchester United, Liverpool’s Suarez was seen spraying crowds of Manchester fans with rounds from a semi-automatic weapon, before beating them with the gun itself once out of ammunition.

However Dalglish moved to defend his player, insisting footage only shows the incident from the most unflattering of angles, and that people aren’t aware of the other things that went on out of sight of the camera.

The Liverpool manager explained. “Yes, in the video he says, ‘I am going to shoot and kill as many people as I can’ – however you have to remember that the true meaning of this phrase has been lost in translation, and that in Uruguay this is a loving term of endearment.”

Suarez Rampage

Fans across the country have been left shocked by Dalglish’s inability to criticise his player for doing something that every other person on the planet deems to be so obviously wrong.

Dalglish went on, “You only brutally maim the ones you love – that’s a common saying in Uruguay, everyone knows that.”

“If we’re going to criticise him for a little cultural difference like murdering the people trying to run away from you, then I would say that you’re the racist.”

American Inks

2012-02-13T09:54:00.001+07:00

NASCAR tattoos outnumber NHL tattoos five to one nationwide.

News Briefly From the Daily Mash

2012-02-13T09:47:00.005+07:00

Britain urged to temporarily give a shit about the elderly

Age UK launches annual 'Go on, Just While It's Nippy' campaign.

Argentina still betting Cameron's not gagging for a war

President Kirchner makes 14th error of judgement this week, as massive submarine takes aim at her shed.

A Bit Parky

2012-02-13T09:47:00.001+07:00

BRITAIN'S only hope for surviving the arctic conditions rests in weather-proof structures known as 'buildings', experts have claimed.

Meetings can also be held 'inside'

A building is a type of shelter commonly made by placing red or grey stone blocks on top of each other with a layer of industrial glue in between.

Buildologist, Dr Tom Logan, said: "Buildings are typically accessible via hinged rectangles. Opening one of them allows the user to 'go into' a building. This is because buidings are 'hollow'.

"Once the rectangle is closed, you create a very definite demarcation between 'outside' and 'inside'. There is no better form of protection from cold weather. They are even better than caves."

He added: "I predict that sometime in the future it will be common for people to buy or rent buildings that they will then 'live in', vastly reducing their chances of freezing to death. Buildings will also be used for work and even leisure."

Dr Logan also highlighted other innovations that could aid mankind's ongoing struggle against cold air.

He said: "A man called Nikola Tesla successfully harnessed the power of lightning, bringing light and heat without candles or fire. It seems very like sorcery, but somehow it's not.”

Millions of Britons are expected to die by next Monday due to widespread fear of indoor spaces and silent but menacing radiators.

Teacher Emma Bradford said: "I'm worried by the subzero temperatures because I like to spend my evenings standing on a moor wearing just a vest and pants.

"Or sitting in a pond."

BAFTAS

2012-02-13T09:44:00.001+07:00

A whole load of hoo-hah, with luvvies proclaiming their undying appreciation of each other, but what does it stand for?

British Academy of Film and Television Arts

About as boring as the awards...

Safe Safes?

2012-02-13T09:19:00.001+07:00

Click to Enlarge

Dinged It

2012-02-13T09:17:00.005+07:00

Dear Car Owner,

You may have noticed the dent on the left side of your car. If not, allow me to draw your attention to it now. As you can see, it is there, and so is this note, and now two and two are getting put together in your head. Allow me to confirm your suspicions: The dent and note are connected. I have dented your car and wish to apologize for it.

Got it pretty good there, didn't I? You get that kind of denting action from your core muscles; that's where the power is.

One question you're certainly asking by now is, "How can this note be so long?" Or perhaps, "How can this fucking note be so long?" depending on your level of anger. The note's length is due to the fact that this is not just a simple note of apology, nor an offer to pay for the damages, nor an attempt to identify myself, nor really an endeavor to do anything concrete about this situation at all. Those are simple matters, briefly explained. I've got different motives, which I'll get in to in due time, but first and foremost, I guess I just wanted to explain myself so that you don't hate me forever. I have this thing where I can't be hated. Who likes being hated? I bet you don't. You see? We already have something in common.

(I also like puppies and chocolate ice cream and vaginal sex. See? More things we have in common. These things forming right now? They're called bonds. They may be awkward, uncomfortable bonds, like an uncle hugging you from behind, but they're real. Don't try to struggle.)

Where was I? Oh right, the dent. That actually has a funny story, and I encourage you to sit down while reading it, if only to brace yourself for the deluge of mirth that's about to spray all over your face like a dirty mouthwash commercial. Sit down in the car, maybe put the seat back a couple of notches and relax. Also put the key in the ignition and have a look at the gas gauge. How's that look? Please keep relaxing, it's critical to keep relaxing; that deluge of mirth will shatter you if you remain tense.

That's funny. You don't remember pushing your car to work this morning.

Some gas is missing, isn't it? Previously I have noticed that your car was parked here unattended for hours every day, I guess because you work nearby. Congratulations! In this economy, having steady work is good news. I certainly don't have that luxury, as you may have gathered by my ability to stake out parked cars for entire days. Truly, you are one of the lucky ones, and I hope you remember your fortune throughout this, as your dent is repaired, and your gas tank is refilled, and your car is seized by the police.

About that coming seizure: Having noticed the car was available from late morning throughout the early afternoon every weekday, I decided to borrow it. You might say that I stole it, and the courts would probably agree, but with the car back in your possession (not withstanding the fact that the police will shortly be seizing it from you), I think that morally what I did can't be considered stealing. "Nah, he's OK," I imagine Jesus saying, with a dismissive hand wave.

"Relax."

So, having not stolen your car, I proceeded to drive it into the deep woods, where my cousin makes bootleg Louis Vuitton goods out of this massive roll of LV-branded leather he bought off a shady Chinese guy a few months ago. We distribute these fine, cheap goods through a network of dealers who are, as you can imagine, all incredibly unethical. You try getting a Corporate Social Responsibility report from a guy whose entire operation is a blanket and a fast pair of shoes. That's why I needed your car in the first place. Given the absolute surety I have that my distribution chain will snitch on me the second they're busted -- which they are, at an amusingly high rate -- I have to disguise my identity using borrowed cars and a variety of not-borrowed wigs. I can't really return the wigs for hygiene reasons, and if I'm being honest, that probably should have stopped me from stealing the wigs in the first place as well.

"Ewwwwwwwgh."

Anyway, after loading up the trunk with Louis Vuitton Slankets and codpieces and car bras, I left the deep woods and returned back to civilization, or at least the kind of civilization that buys fake LV Slankets and codpieces and car bras.

So many regrettable things in this picture, and amazingly, GM was responsible for only one of them.

But just as I completed my last delivery, flashing lights filled the rearview mirror. I presumed at the time that the cops had finally gotten wind of me, but now I wonder if they were looking for your car specifically. Is it possible you are yourself a wanted felon? You might not even know; I kind of just fell into felony myself. Have you perjured yourself, perhaps? That's an easy one to miss.

The resulting chase was fantastic, and if you are at all curious what your car can do at the edges of its performance envelope, I highly encourage you to check out the evening news tonight. Big dirty old four-wheel drifts around hairpins, and bootleg turns, and this one insane jump off of one of those car-transporting trucks over a school bus full of clapping children. You will shit, as will, I suppose, your insurance company.

Seconds later, alt.sex.slashpics.flo.poop is created ...

The dent! I almost forgot about the dent, that beautiful dent that started this whole note-reading journey. Well, after my escape, I returned the car here, unmolested. And then deliberately smashed the door with a tire iron. "Fuck you, door," I said, meaning every word of it.

You see, I needed some visible damage to the car, something beyond the horrendous but unseen suspension damage I'd already caused. I needed something you'd notice, something to make you angry, and something to make you read the note under your windshield. The entire note. Including the longer words that you probably had to read twice. I'm guessing it took you between three to five minutes to read this, which turns out to be the average response time for our city's finest for high-priority calls. If I've timed this right -- and I've put in a lot of effort on this point -- then you should be hearing the sirens now, coming to arrest the faux-couture Slanket deliveryman who, thanks to a lot of evidence I've left in the trunk, they will think is you. It turns out that I've actually been watching you this whole time -- Hi there! -- waiting for you to find the note, before I called the po-po.

Why would I do such a thing, you ask? Because of the dent, man, because of the dent. Not this dent. The first dent. The dent that YOU made six months ago, when you levered your enormous ass out of your tiny car, smashing the door into the side of MY car. It took me that long to hunt you down, that long to set up a fake designer leather goods racket, that long to save up for and attend a three-day stunt driving school. That long to concoct just the right delay in a batch of disappearing ink. Are the words getting fainter now? Well hopefully you'll have just enough time to read this last sentence, a homily of sorts, admonishing you to leave a fucking note the next time you dent someone's car.

Cracked

Room With a View- 5

2012-02-13T09:00:00.001+07:00

Snowy surrounds

Located amid Finland’s beautiful Lapland scenery, Hotel Kakslauttanen surrounds visitors in snowy scenes, viewed from the comfort of private, luxurious igloo-like pods. Built with a glass dome roof, you can lie in your warm bed under the luminous Northern Light sky – no sleeping bag needed. (Hotel Kakslauttanen)

Room With a View- 4

2012-02-13T08:59:00.002+07:00

Sleep in an industrial tower

Converted from an old dockside crane, the Harbour Crane in the Netherlands is now a high end hideaway for two. After a two-year renovation, the industrial tower stands with grace overlooking the Harlingen Harbour and Wadden Sea and is a photogenic landmark in its own right. (Harbour Crane)

Room With a View- 3

2012-02-13T08:58:00.003+07:00

A bed hidden in the brush

Magic Mountain Lodge, tucked away inside of the Huilo Huilo biological reserve in the Patagonian Andes of southern Chile, lets visitors soak in nature’s beauty from their bedside. With twelve rooms styled to fit its forest atmosphere, this hotel is an idyllic place for nature lovers to breath in fresh air and witness life develop. (Magic Mountain Lodge)

Room With a View- 2

2012-02-13T08:57:00.003+07:00

North Carolina: Kool-Aid pickle
Also known as Koolickles, pickles soaked in the sugary kids' beverage are a Southern tradition — and a sweet-and-sour snack at North Carolina's annual state fair. Raleigh, 13 - 23 October. (Deepfriedkudzu.com)

A sparse space to snooze

Austria’s dasparkhotel is a minimalist’s alternative to the chain hotels of everyday travel. Constructed from repurposed drain pipes, dasparkhotel transcends the usual conception of a hotel and offers only what is needed: somewhere to sleep and a “pay as you wish” system. (dasparkhotel)

Room With a View- 1

2012-02-13T08:50:00.004+07:00

A plane with plenty of legroom

For travellers who are used to sleeping with their heads pressed against the airplane seat in front of them, Stockholm’s Jumbo Jet is a welcomed alternative. The converted aeroplane has a variety of room categories, ranging from quad dormitories to a luxury honeymoon suite in the cockpit. (Jumbo Jet)

BBC

No Duvet Days

2012-02-13T08:48:00.000+07:00

Out of all government job classifications, US sanitation workers take the least amount of sick leave per year.

Stuff That

2012-02-13T08:42:00.003+07:00

Bacon milkshake is available for a limited time as part of from Jack in the Box's new 'marry bacon' ad campaign. Bacon milkshake doesn't appear on the menu, unsurprisingly, you have to ask for it.

The 16-ounce size has 773 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 75 grams of sugar, while the bigger 24-ounce size has 54 grams of fat and 1 081 calories. But don't worry if you're a veggie- it's made with no bacon whatsoever, just bacon-flavoured syrup.

It's all yours...

Robbo

2012-02-13T08:26:00.000+07:00

Luis Suarez and the Ugly Face of Football

The judge in the Harry Redknapp tax evasion case suggested that football had ‘lost its way’ in this country. I couldn’t agree more. This week highlighted it more than most.

First of all, Redknapp is acquitted – rightly, from what one can glean – but none of the intimate details suggest that the words ‘squeaky-clean’ can be ascribed to matters financial at Portsmouth Football Club during Mandaric’s reign. Still, no laws were apparently broken. I myself have now set up a Monaco account under the name of my granddaughter’s guinea-pig. As yet there’s nowt in Fifi64, but give it time.

Next, Fabio Capello hands in his notice cos the FA has told him he can’t have an alleged racist as team captain. Fabio isn’t having it, so he bails out. Of course the Italian insists he didn’t look for an escape exit, it’s just that David Bernstein pulled the lever on a trapdoor that had, since 2010, been mysteriously rusted up.

It’s one of those issues that the ‘sport-and-politics-shouldn’t-mix’ brigade are up in arms about, but you have to be a fuckwitted student of history to believe that. Anyone who thinks that the sports embargo on South Africa had nothing to do with the downfall of apartheid isn’t reading the same books as I have.

The recent death of Basil D’Oliveira served as a reminder that the basic tenet of treating people differently because of the colour of their skin should be resisted at all costs. The fact that Capello saw no political overtones to being the coach of a national team suggests to me that the man shouldn’t have had the job in the first place.

Okay, so the FA, in all its leaden incompetence, managed to make the right decision in the wrong way – it would have been nice to have consulted Fabio before making the announcement – but that’s beside the point.

The manager cannot be immune to the bigger picture. Which brings us to Luis Suarez. I don’t know how comfortable the Liverpool squad were wearing them Suarez 7 t-shirts a while back. I’m pretty sure they’ll be wishing they hadn’t bothered now.

The build-up to this Saturday’s fixture was all about putting events behind you and moving on. The handshake was even touted in some places as an underlining of that.

There’s an acknowledgement among most football fans that Patrice Evra is both a fine left-back and a bit of a knob. (There are many such examples in the modern game. And not all of them play for Man U.)

Nevertheless Evra, urged on no doubt by the wise words of Sepp Blatter on such matters, did dangle a limp mitt in Suarez’s direction and the Uruguayan ignored it, going from bewildered mascot to the slightly more bewildered David De Gea. (To be fair, De Gea might have been disorientated as much by his selection ahead of Lindegaard as the opposition striker’s behaviour.)

Unsurprisingly, Rio Ferdinand – barracked at Chelsea for having the audacity to be the brother of a man who has allegedly been racially abused – refused to shake El Divo’s hand in return, and lo and behold we’re back to square one.

Dalglish, like some antsy doe-eyed parent, has stood four-square behind Suarez before, during and after the eight-game ban. And this is how the bloke repays him. Add to that a Luis special of a performance, neat flicks combined with ludicrous writhing, and it all gets crowned with Evra whipping up the Stretford End into a lather of schadenfraude at Suarez’s defeat.

Ugly isn’t the word. If football had a face at the moment it’d make Andrew Lloyd Webber look like Hayley Atwell.

Not Andrew Lloyd Webber

Fergie’s righteous ire, coupled with a gentle censure of his left-back, was on this occasion forgivable. He’s a pious old rogue sometimes but I agree with him. They need to take that ungrateful little nerk into a small cupboard in Anfield and give him a serious talking-to.

From the moment Liverpool refused to contest the ban, Suarez could forget about being treated as the innocent party. He needs to bloody well shape up or they can send him to, I dunno, Poland where his views might be more sympathetically embraced.

Just as with these utter bankers who are still trousering bollock-twistingly large amounts of money despite their contribution to our blasted economy, so footballers and managers need to understand that part of the quid pro quo of huge salaries and public adoration is a responsibility to at least try to uphold the best standards of society.

Yes, maybe that’s unfair on a bunch of none-too-bright young men whose feet talk better than their gobs, but that’s their reality. Capello can’t stomp off in high dudgeon just cos his employers want to impose a political decision on him. It’s in the nature of his ex-job. Ravel Morrison shouldn’t be tweeting homophobic shite either.

Hopefully Harry understands this. Redknapp’s literacy may well be limited entirely to football, but the England manager has to muddy his mitts in the murky waters of morality too. Of course he’s the obvious choice and not cos he’s English. McClaren, Keegan, Taylor, it’s a roll-call of concrete-shoe-wearers jumping in at the wrong end of the local baths.

But my fear is simply that Redknapp could get swept up by events beyond his control –and if you look at his testimony in the recent court case you’d have to conclude that a lot of his life is beyond his control – and instead of having an upbeat youthful team unburdened by stupid expectation attempting to play the game the right way, you have Avram Redknapp moping along the touchline like a latter-day Eeyore.

I’d have no objection to Guus Hiddink getting the role and Harry carrying on putting a bit of entertainment on to the football parks of England by staying where he is. Whoever it is, at least they don’t have to fret about whether to select Luis Suarez. Or John Terry, actually, if they want my advice.

Healthy For Now

2012-02-13T08:21:00.002+07:00

Man City go back on top after last night's poor display against Villa (0-1) and it looks like this now (good GD for Spurs after their five against the Toon- cheers, lads)

Pos	Team	P	GD	Pts
View full table
No Movement1	Man City	25	45	60
No Movement2	Man Utd	25	36	58
No Movement3	Tottenham	25	24	53
No Movement4	Arsenal	25	13	43
No Movement5	Chelsea	25	13	43
No Movement6	Newcastle	25	0	42
No Movement7	Liverpool	25	6	39
No Movement8	Norwich	25	-4	35
No Movement9	Sunderland	25	8	33
No Movement10	Everton	25	-1	33
No Movement11	Swansea	25	-4	30
No Movement12	Fulham	25	-5	30
No Movement13	Stoke	25	-14	30
No Movement14	West Brom	25	-6	29
No Movement15	Aston Villa	25	-5	28
No Movement16	QPR	25	-17	21
No Movement17	Blackburn	25	-19	21
No Movement18	Wolves	25	-21	21
No Movement19	Bolton	25	-22	20
No Movement20	Wigan	25	-27	19

Stepping In & Kopping Out

2012-02-13T08:16:00.002+07:00

The Liverpool board has finally got involved in the racism feud, with managing director Ian Ayre releasing a statement:

"We are extremely disappointed Luis Suarez did not shake hands with Patrice Evra before yesterday's game. The player had told us beforehand that he would, but then chose not to do so.

He was wrong to mislead us and wrong not to offer his hand to Patrice Evra. He has not only let himself down but also Kenny Dalglish, his team-mates and the club. It has been made absolutely clear to Luis Suarez that his behaviour was not acceptable."Luis Suarez has now apologised for his actions, which was the right thing to do.

However, all of us have a duty to behave in a responsible manner and we hope he now understands what is expected of anyone representing Liverpool Football Club."

Dalglish has since apologised for his shameful hissy fit by saying:

"All of us have a responsibility to represent this club in a fit and proper manner. That applies equally to me as Liverpool manager. When I went on TV after yesterday's game I hadn't seen what had happened, but I did not conduct myself in a way befitting of a Liverpool manager during that interview and I'd like to apologise for that."

Which leaves the culprit with the final word:

"I have not only let him [Dalglish] down but also the club and what it stands for and I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I regret what happened. I should have shaken Patrice Evra's hand before the game and I want to apologise for my actions.

I would like to put this whole issue behind me and concentrate on playing football."

Sorry, it's not good enough. Yes, fine words from the club but I still get the impression that they/Dalglish believe Suarez is "innocent" of any wrong doing despite being clearly found guilty. Further, what Suarez did warrants punishment- will they ban him? I doubt it.

As to the "man" himself, no reason for why he didn't shake Evra's hand. I'd be keen to know what made him decide to react how he did, because only then can I believe he is sorry. As it stands, this nasty little racist just doesn't come across as sincere in the least.

Easy Does It

2012-02-13T08:05:00.001+07:00

Eating 4 sardines (bones an' all) will meet an adult woman's minimum daily requirement of calcium. Eating two dozen or more will cause her to ingest and excessive amount of mercury.

Well Done to the Chipolopolo

2012-02-13T07:59:00.002+07:00

Zambia win their first Africa Cup of Nations title by beating tournament favourites Ivory Coast on penalties. After 14 kicks were converted, Stoppila Sunzu found the top corner to complete an amazing 8-7 victory.

Ivorian skipper Didier Drogba, will be most upset at losing- he missed a spot-kick in normal time.

Fed up of the Snow Yet?

2012-02-13T07:55:00.000+07:00

Here are a few ideas:

WoW?

2012-02-13T07:52:00.003+07:00

The world's largest key was made by The Horton & Sons Lock Company in 1982. It was 12 feet long and weighed just over six tons.

And for what purpose? Did it have a corresponding lock?

Early Start

2012-02-13T07:51:00.003+07:00

For wifey today. She has Theavy coming over this morning for his on-going training on book-keeping and ensuring all donations for the school and orphanage are accounted for. He's been doing a fine job so far, but it's now time to "ramp it up" to the next level and also make him realise that if you can't account for something, you don't just ignore it- you go back to the source and ask questions.

This part is the difficult bit as no one likes to challenge anyone- they all just want an easy life. Still, he's young and he wants to learn so he'll get the best training ever. And for free. :o)

Quote/Unquote

2012-02-13T07:47:00.001+07:00

"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."

- Tom Stoppard

Hotel Bill

2012-02-13T07:44:00.001+07:00

Our credit card bill has just cleared and we paid under £400 for 25 nights at the City River. For that we get a large room with bath and shower (plus hot water at all times), super comfy beds, dozens of TV channels in English including 4 film, half a dozen sport and all the news channels, free internet connection (both LAN and wi-fi), a quiet fridge, electronic safe, a balcony, a rooftop swimming pool and affordable room service menu.

Happy, happy, happy. :o)

Another Missing Piece

2012-02-13T07:40:00.001+07:00

We have a great choice of dining options and while we have several Indian curry restaurants, we've never really found one that does it all; large range of dishes, good quality and a fair price.

How can these places charge $3-$4 for a portion of dahl- it's just lentils and water, for example. Yesterday we wifey discovered a little place off the main areas and it was superb. A simple veggie thali was three dollars and we had three mains with rice and a freshly baked naan bread. The fish thali was only $5 and wifey's curry was excellent.

No idea of the name of the place, but we'll be going back more than enough times to find out.

Interesting Notice

2012-02-13T07:35:00.001+07:00

In a shop called the Blue Pumpkin (good for breads, cakes and pastries).

They had a sign by the till saying that no bank in Cambodia accepts the two dollar bill and so one had to pay with other bank notes. No reason given as to why.

Phone Home, ET

2012-02-13T07:34:00.000+07:00

After much pfaffing about, we finally sussed the correct way to dial a UK number using the new SIM card from QB.

TIP: Follow the instructions given with the memory card but instead of entering "0044", drop the 00 (so no Bond) and simply put in 44 and the number. It took ages to suss that, but once connected, it was a fair quality.

Our Thai SIM works better- quality is good and you simply hit your pre-dial/stored number. Here you haver to enter an array of digits first, including your credit number, which is a chore.

C & H

2012-02-12T11:46:00.003+07:00

Stressed Out at the Beeb

2012-02-12T11:46:00.001+07:00

The BBC has spent nearly £19 000 of public money on treating staff 'stressed' from the pressures of cost cutting and failed initiatives.

The BBC would not reveal whether executives were referred to the centre for mental health issues or for drug addiction, but confirmed it had spent £18,949 on treatments in 2010 and 2011 because there was a “compelling” business reason to do so.

“While the BBC does not normally pay for private medical treatment, we may do so in exceptional circumstances if there is a compelling business reason to do so,” it said in documents revealed under the Freedom of Information Act.

However, it is understood that the corporation agreed to spend licence fee payers’ money on the care centre because its staff were “severely stressed” because of a series of initiatives which had not gone according to plan, and the pressures of cost cutting.

Among the faltering projects was an £80m initiative to do-away with video tapes and record all of the BBC’s footage on digital media instead. The Digital Media Initiative (DMI) floundered so badly that it was dubbed “Don’t Mention It” and Siemens, which was providing the infrastructure, was ditched from the overhaul project.

A senior insider said staff were also “at their wits’ end” because of the BBC’s cost cutting plan, Delivering Quality First, which will see it trim its budget by a fifth by April 2017, leading to around 2,000 job losses.

Another trigger is the corporation’s Nations and Regions project, which aims to move 50pc of all production outside London by 2016, often by relocating staff and placing great strain on their families.

More at TTel

Mais, Oui

2012-02-12T11:33:00.001+07:00

Three out of five Frenchmen believe the sun revolves around the earth.

Good Idea

2012-02-12T11:18:00.002+07:00

PLANS to dilute alcoholic drinks have won the enthusiastic support of Britain's heroin kingpins.

'Say hello to my little friend'

Ministers want to water down beer, wine and spirits amid warnings that Britain is now too drunk to keep its permanent seat on the United Nations' Security Council.

A government spokesman said: "We should get away with it if we can switch to light vodka and keep a box of Tic-Tacs in our briefcase.

"But we've got to do something, it's getting really obvious. Plus, people keep falling into heavy machinery and polar bear enclosures. It's a total fucking mess."

But Roy Hobbs, who has been selling heroin from an ice cream van in Glasgow since 1984, said: "Everyone has what we call a 'Reality Avoidance Equilibrium'.

"Most of my customers maintain their 'RAE' with a mixture of heroin and crack, but there are millions of people who are squeamish about needles and hot spoons and so are forced to rely heavily on supermarkets.

"But if the alcohol is not strong enough to transport you to that special place where everything is just fine, you will need to top it up."

Hobbs has joined forces with the other drug dealers he has not had killed to develop user-friendly heroin insertion devices that will appeal to his new middle class customer base.

He added: "We're going to start with granary heroin bread but we're also breeding heroin-fed salmon and free-range crack chickens."

At First Glance

2012-02-12T11:16:00.006+07:00

TOTTENHAM Hotspur manager Fabio Capello has been convicted of tax evasion relating to payments made when he was manager of Portsmouth FC.

Redknapp (pictured with wife, Louise) became England manager after guiding Southampton to three Premiership titles

The Italian, who was jailed for four years at Southwark Crown Court today, seemed bewildered by the verdict and even confused about where he was.

Capello, who won domestic titles with Milan, Roma, Juventus and Real Madrid before moving to the lower leagues of English football, shouted: “This isn't me! I don't know how he's done this, but this isn't me!" before being led away.

It is believed the verdict may have left the Italian temporarily deranged. Earlier he pleaded with the judge and insisted he was manager of the England national side and had never even been to Portsmouth.

England's manager Harry Redknapp, who yesterday won a battle of his own after the FA reinstated John Terry as captain, said: "I'm sad to see Fabio go down but you just can't trust foreigners.

"He had form with match-fixing at Juventus so I wasn't surprised to hear he'd been a naughty boy with his tax returns. You wouldn't want a slimy character like that in charge of your national side. No, you want a trustworthy, reliable red-blooded Englishman like 'Arry 'ere."

Redknapp, who yesterday appeared at a charity event with pop star wife Louise, has led England from strength to strength since succeeding Steve McClaren as manager and the team are now odds-on to win this summer's European Championship.

Nicknamed 'Nostradamus' for his uncanny ability to predict how opponents will play, and even sometimes exactly when goals will be scored, England fans have credited him with supernatural powers - a claim he dismisses as 'bonkers'.

Meanwhile, he has amassed a personal fortune of more than £800m thanks to a series of shrewd stock market investments which he declares rigorously to the Inland Revenue.

He added: "There's no big secret to what I do. It's just thinking ahead and a little bit of luck. To do the things everyone says I can I'd have to have invented a time machine."

Bikes

2012-02-12T11:16:00.001+07:00

THE combination of pedal-based transport and motor vehicles on roads is utterly insane, it has been confirmed.

There's something not right here

As France changes its laws to give cyclists a small, survival-rate-increasing head start at traffic lights, the Institute for Studies has stated that fast metal boxes and slow, wobbling dangerously-exposed humans can never happily co-exist.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “One of the key reasons for this whole car/bike thing not working at all is that little eggshell hats offer somewhat different levels of protection to, for example, a big fuck-off lorry cab.

“We'd all like this relationship to work, but for the same reason that riding a pogo stick through a herd of panicked bison isn't a great idea, it doesn't.

“Cars and bikes playing nicely together is a bit like weekend 'mini-breaks' to countries more than three hours away, or the simplistic pacifism of the John Lennon song Imagine – a basically flawed notion that humans can't resist clinging to.

“Maybe the solution is two separate roads. Or that everyone in the country cycles on a Tuesday.

“I don't know, it's a real toughie.”

Cyclist Emma Bradford said: “Cycling to work helps the environment and brings an exciting element of immense peril to my otherwise hum-drum routine.

“Personally I'm pinning my hopes on fossil fuels running out before something really bad happens.”

Team Eng-er-land Manager

2012-02-12T11:14:00.003+07:00

PUNDITS have predicted Nick Griffin will be the next England manager on the basis everyone already hates him anyway.

Anti-charisma is a key requisite

The FA feels that the monocular tabloid-bait has the requisite blend of self-delusion, unlikeability and experience at being spat on to lead England into an ignominious Euro 2012.

An FA spokesman said: “Nick knows nothing about modern footballing tactics, which puts him on a par with Terry Venables, and he’s spent his whole life arguing that englishmen are superior despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

“Stuart Pearce will be an ideal caretaker manager, given his and his brother’s past, but Nick has already shown on Question Time that he’s more than capable of spouting utter horsehit to a hostile audience.”

Griffin indicated his preferred first XI when he takes on the role, but since has acknowledged that Luis Suarez isn’t English and he can’t just pick John Terry eleven times.

The FA would raise funds to pay Griffin for not winning anything by selling all the would-be managers' hats currently in the ring.

The collection of managerial millinery features an enormously-wide woollen hat from Madrid, an FA baseball cap covered in Sham 69 & Stranglers badges and one postmarked West Ham accompanied by a begging letter.

The spokesman added: “Ordinarily we raise funds by selling all the letters threatening painful death to the current manager to a paper recycling plant, so it’s nice to have another revenue stream.”

To Be Rich & Famous

2012-02-12T10:54:00.000+07:00

During a 1982 world tour, Van Halen made the now-legendary stipulation that all brown M&Ms be removed from candy dishes in the rockers' dressing rooms. Ever since, fans and critics have made a hobby of perusing celebrities' often outlandish demands — called riders — for what venues must provide them during appearances. This week, "Paper Planes" singer/Super Bowl bird-flipper M.I.A.'s tour rider leaked — and it's a doozy. Buried among requests for Vitamin Water and European cheeses is the demand for "three women between the ages of 20 and 25 to dance on stage wearing full-body burqas." As heads spin from that peculiar request, here's a look back at eight of the most ridiculous items on other celebrity riders:

1. Kanye West
On the same day M.I.A.'s ludicrous request surfaced, a rider leaked from Kanye West's recent visit to Australia. On the list: Imported and recut Versace towels, for starters. "What else would he wipe his brow with during a performance?" says Ray Rahman at Entertainment Weekly. But more unusual is his requirement that any chauffeur who drives him wear only 100 percent cotton clothes. "No man-made fibers."

2. Britney Spears
Britney demanded a veritable feast when she performed at London's 02 arena last year, requesting that the venue provide her with McDonald's cheeseburgers (no buns), 100 figs and prunes, and — fitting for the location — a fish-and-chips supper. But all that pales in comparison with her strangest dressing room request: A framed photo of Princess Diana. "Britney adores the monarchy," says the U.K.'s Mirror. "Diana was in many ways her inspiration."

3. Foo Fighters
The Foo Fighters may have the most "hilarious" backstage rider of all time,says Simon Vozick-Levinson at Rolling Stone. The rockers are known for sneaking jokes into their list of demands, and topped themselves with a cheeky rider for their 2011 world tour. It included a coloring book, activity pages, and maxims for life: "No one likes a straight A student." The funniest page of the document provides an illustrated guide to the kind of catering the band expects. A drawing of a sandwich with a pile of rocks is branded "Lame Entree," while a steak and baked potato sketch is described as an "Awesome Entree."

4. Mary J. Blige
Thirty-five cities, 35 toilet seats. That's the takeaway from Mary J. Blige's 2006 tour rider, which demanded that each venue install a brand new toilet seat in the dressing room bathroom before she arrived. She also cherishes her privacy. Her request that housekeeping personnel at the hotels she stays at honor her "Do Not Disturb" sign is punctuated by 26 exclamation points.

5. Dustin Diamond
Don't call him Screech. The former Saved by the Bell actor turned reality TV and amateur porn star demands that any event he is booked for refrain from any "Screech-centric" billing. Any venue that violates this stipulation by promoting the event using his ties to Saved by the Bell will be levied with a $100 fine for every offending ad, flyer, or marquee.

6. Katy Perry
Kanye West isn't the only entertainer to have special demands for his driver. For her 2011 U.S. tour, Katy Perry had a 23-point "principle driver policy" that specifically dictated the proper behavior of those tasked with carting her around. One explicit rule, according to the policy, is that drivers must not converse with Perry. The Smoking Gun reports that they "also are directed not to stare at the backseat through the rearview mirror."

7. Justin Bieber
The current prince of pop's tour rider is suitably "squeaky clean," says The Smoking Gun, noting his reasonable requests for fruit platters and herbal teas. Apparently, he also requires his entourage's wardrobe be just as clean, as he also demands four packages of plain white tee shirts and three packages of lo-rise socks — all in various sizes — be stocked in his dressing room.

8. Jennifer Lopez
Just because she was making a charity appearance doesn't mean Jennifer Lopez was going to ease up on her diva demands. While attending a recording session for the African AIDS charity single "What's Going On" in 2002, she submitted her standard tour rider, which demanded a 40-foot trailer furnished all in white from top to bottom — flowers, tablecloths, drapery, couches, candles… everything. "Love don't cost a thing," says Gary Susman at Entertainment Weekly. "But being a diva sure can be expensive."

The Week

Utter Bollocks, Of Course

2012-02-12T10:48:00.001+07:00

But we like to keep things slightly even-handed at ktelontour and this caught my eye as to what some people think. I just love the "scientific facts" but can't make out if this is legit or wind up. Either way, this cracked me up.

Even Darwin regretted the lie of evolution

If evolution were correct, and humans evolved from monkeys, then why are monkeys still around today? There is really no explanation for this, yet this heathen ideal is still taught in our schools. No doubt thanks to the agenda’s being pushed by gays and their liberal co-conspirators to destroy our youth and convert the nation to communism.

Towards his twilight years, as he faced the prospect of burning in Hell forever for his blasphemous ways, even Charles Darwin himself admitted that he regretted sparking the lie of evolution. Atheists, however, still do not want to admit it is wrong as the only other explanation would be God.

The big bang theory is impossible

Something cannot come from nothing. It is a scientific impossibility. The idea that one second there wasn’t anything then there was is frankly offensive to one’s intelligence. The big bang relies on an unknown spark, kind of like the gunman on the grassy knoll theory, that mixed with chemicals and blew up into planets and suns and people and plants.

Christians know God made the Earth and sun and stars. Then he put the people and animals and plants here. You can see it in the intelligent design of foods such as bananas and kiwis. They are made to be eaten easily by humans. If that isn’t enough scientific proof for you then you must be blind.

There is lots of historic evidence of Jesus

The Bible is not the only historic document that confirms the divinity of Jesus. Many scholars from the time spoke of the miracles he preformed during his travels. Often times non-believers will claim that these passages are faked. They only do this because the existence of Jesus threatens every lie they tell.

The shroud of Turin, however, is something they can’t just shrug off. It is real physical evidence that is still around today, and has been thoroughly investigated by Christian scientists who have proven it is the actual burial shroud of the Christ. Many websites confirm this fact. It is a fact and has been proven.

If God didn’t create the Earth, why does everything work so well?

It can’t be coincidence that we have air to breath, water to drink, and churches to pray in. God intended it that way. If he didn’t, then why is Christianity the most popular religion in the world? Why is America, a Christian nation, the most powerful in the world? This can’t be something that just happened to occur.

The fact that every ecosystem in the world acts in accordance with itself and survives is proof of intelligent design. If it all just happened, as evolution and the big bang seem to suggest, there would be chaos everywhere. Instead, the more we delve into scientific fields, we find order. Order that can only be provided by a benevolent creator.

Miracles happen everyday

Documented cases of sick people being healed through prayer happen everyday, but go unreported by the liberal atheist media. Either that, or they get mocked by hordes of Godless Internet users on sites such as YouTube or Yahoo Answers. It is sad to see such free media with such a great potential to spread the word of Jesus get used for such travesties. Covering up the truth is often what Satan’s minions do.

Even scientific studies have confirmed the power of praying to God and Jesus for help. Atheists always cite studies, but strangely they never cite these studies. Because they only use science when it falls in their favor. To them, anything that isn’t liberal or Godless simply must not be heard. When one of their ‘theories’ is supposedly proven, they are all over it. When God’s existence is proven, they are quiet as a tick.

Christwire

Mini Chrome

2012-02-12T10:10:00.001+07:00

Google has announced the launch of Chrome for Mobile, putting a fully fledged web browser on a phone’s screen. That means (in theory) you can have multiple web sites open simultaneously on your mobile, as well as a web experience that learns from the sites you visit on a laptop or tablet computer, if you’re also signed in to Chrome.

Chrome’s key new features make the tabbed browsing that is familiar to desktop users possible on a mobile, as well as offering a new private mode that doesn’t record what sites you’ve visited in your browsing history. Improved integration with desktop versions mean that the browser can replicate the same tabs you have open on your main computer.

There remain two problems for Chrome, however. When Android first launched, one of its key-selling points was that it could display websites that used the Adobe Flash programming language, unlike the iPhone. It has been confirmed that Chrome for Android will not be able to do that- Apple, Google and Adobe themselves have all abandoned the language.

The second issue is also one of transition: although there are now more than 250 million Android devices worldwide, just 1% of them can run Chrome, because it is only available for the latest version, codenamed Ice Cream Sandwich. As customers and manufacturers upgrade, that problem too should solve itself; more than 700 000 new devices are now being activated each day. But it underlines what remains a problem for Google, as some phones become incredibly powerful, many others that run Android are not in the same league.

More at TTel

Lifehacker

2012-02-12T10:00:00.001+07:00

Top 10 Downloads That Enhance Windows’ Built-In Tools

Windows has a ton of great utilities, and while we can't live without some of them, there's a special place in our heart for programs that merely improve Windows, rather than adding new software. Here are our top 10 apps that take Windows' built-in tools and make them better.

10. MenuUninstaller

Unless you make regular trips through Add/Remove Programs uninstalling programs by the bunch, chances are you run into unwanted programs when you're browsing the Start Menu, or sifting through your Program Files. Instead of going all the way to Add/Remove programs to uninstall something, MenuUninstaller puts an Uninstall option right in your context menu. Just right-click on a shortcut or app, hit Uninstall, and it'll uninstall it for you. It usually works pretty well. However, if you want something a little more powerful, you can always go with another app uninstaller altogether—like Revo Uninstaller, which can uninstall every trace of a program just by clicking on its window.

9. MiniBin

If you like to keep a clean desktop—and who doesn't—that Recycle Bin icon might drive you mad, sitting in the corner. Even if it doesn't, you might not like how it handles deletions, and MiniBin can fix that. MiniBin moves your Recycle Bin to your system tray, and tweak how the Recycle Bin works. You can double-click on the system tray icon to empty the bin, and even get rid of the prompt or system progress display that comes with that operation, not to mention turn off the sounds. It even has a CPU optimization option for older computers.

8. XnView Shell Extension

If Windows Explorer's preview pane isn't your cup of tea, you can still get quick previews of images with something like theXnView Shell Extension. Not only will it show you a thumbnail of an image when you right-click on it in Windows Explorer, it'll also add context menu options for converting the image, setting it as your wallpaper, and more. If that clutters up your context menu a bit too much, you could also try FastPreview, which only adds the thumbnail feature.

7. OpenWith Enhanced

When Windows doesn't know how to open a certain file type, it does its best to offer you possible programs that will—but it can't recommend you anything beyond the programs you already have. OpenWith Enhanced adds a few extra features to Windows' Open With menu, like the ability to recommend other programs from the net. It'll also tell you which programs are more likely to open that file than others, so you can make a more informed decision, and even head to their download page right from the Open With menu. You can also clean up the "Open With" portion of the context menu for any file type, which is handy.

6. Jumplist Extender

Jumplists are still one of Windows 7's best underhyped features, and if you work them into your routine, they can be quite the productivity booster. However, you're pretty much stuck with whatever options the jumplists give you. Jumplist Extender lets you create new jumplist item for any program. You can tell the new item to make a keystroke, run a command from the command line, or even run an AutoHotkey command (so, basically, you can tell it to doanything). It makes jumplists even more useful, and lets you tweak them to fit how you use them in your workflow.

5. Process Manager

While Process Manager aims to be an easy way to kill programs from the right-click menu, it can do so much more than that. Process Manager adds more options to the system menu of any given application, letting you kill it, hide it, minimize it to the system tray, make it transparent, and more. You can even kill all y our running apps or hide all your running apps, if the boss is walking by and you need to get rid of all those Reddit tabs. It's just a few more ways to manage the mass of windows that build up during the day. Of course, if you need something a little beefier for managing tasks, you can always turn to a 3rd-party task manager, too.

4. QTTabBar (and Other Explorer Add-Ons)

Windows Explorer leaves a lot to be desired, and while you could always install a completely new file browser, there are also a few great Explorer add-ons out there that beef up your existing tools. QTTabBar is one of the best, adding tabs to the top of the window, in addition to other useful options like copying the path of a folder, custom keyboard shortcuts, and more. If that isn't your thing, you can try Better Explorer, which adds a ribbon-like interface to Explorer in an effort to emulate Windows 8's upcoming version of Explorer. And, if all you want is a few small tweaks, CustomExplorerToolbar adds and removes buttons from Windows Explorer's toolbar for you.

3. Bins

Mac OS X's "Stacks" feature is still one of our favorite features of the OS X dock, and Binsbrings this functionality to Windows 7, letting you pin nearly anything to the taskbar. Pinning a bin means that clicking that icon opens up a "stack" of other icons, which is great for keeping your taskbar organized. It also lets you pin files and folders to your taskbar, which is a feature annoyingly missing from Windows. If you don't like Bins, 7stacks and StandaloneStack are both great alternatives for getting a stacks feature in Windows, and Taskbar Items Pinner will give you the pin-documents-to-the-taskbar feature.

2. Fences

If you use the desktop to hold files but need a bit more organization than it offers, Fences is for you. Fences lets you sort different types of icons into different boxes on your desktop, toggle visibility of all your icons, or even auto-detect which kinds of icons should go where. It's one of the best ways to design and create an organized desktop, and is one of the first installations I make on any Windows PC.

1. Teracopy

Full size

You may not realize it, but Windows' default method for copying files is pretty slow, not to mention kind of unreliable. It doesn't tell you what was successfully copied and what wasn't, it doesn't let you pause and resume transfers, and it doesn't optimize the process to make it go as fast as possible—all of whichTeracopy does beautifully. It's the best way to transfer files on a Windows machine, and best of all, it plugs itself right into Windows Explorer. All you need to do is install it, and all future file copies will go through Teracopy's speedier, more advanced copying process. Install it, forget it, make your life simpler.

Bonus Item: ShellExView

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After installing your favorite tweaks from this list, it's likely that your context menu has grown to a monstrous size. That's fine if you use a lot of the options within, but if you don't use a lot of the context menu's features, you can trim it down with something likeShellExView. We thought it irresponsible to not at least give it a mention considering we talk about so many context menu additions in this post, so here it is as a bonus tool. We also recommend checking out this guide to cleaning up your Windows context menu from our friends over at the How-To Geek, which details lots of ways—from ShellExView to tweaking the registry itself—to trim down the context menu to your liking.

Daylight Saving Time?

2012-02-12T09:50:00.003+07:00

Time zone differences cost the world economy over 12 billion dollars a year in lost efficiency.

Blimey

2012-02-12T09:49:00.000+07:00

Not a headline you expect to read on a Sunday morning:

US singer and actress Whitney Houston dies aged 48

Cause of death has not been conformed, but she did dabble in all kinds of drugs and at such a young age, that may have a lot to do with it. Still sad, though.

Homegrown

2012-02-12T09:39:00.000+07:00

83% of Asian teas sold in the US are produced domestically.

Testing Times Ahead

2012-02-12T09:34:00.003+07:00

February 2012


Show last 5 matches and coverage	Competition	Fixture	Date	Kick-off
Last updated 20 hours ago
Show	FA Cup	Stevenage v Tottenham	Sun 19 Feb	14:00
Show	Premier League	Arsenal v Tottenham	Sun 26 Feb	13:30

March 2012


Show last 5 matches and coverage	Competition	Fixture	Date	Kick-off

Show	Premier League	Tottenham v Man Utd	Sun 4 Mar	16:10
Show	Premier League	Everton v Tottenham	Sat 10 Mar	17:30
Show	Premier League	Tottenham v Stoke	Sat 17 Mar	15:00
Show	Premier League	Chelsea v Tottenham	Sat 24 Mar	12:45

Dalglish Sez

2012-02-12T09:29:00.000+07:00

"People are already speculating on the pre-match ceremony. But from Luis's point of view, we have spoken to him and I know he will shake the hand of Patrice Evra and the other Manchester United players before the game."

Guess Suarez must have lost some of that in his Scottish to Uruguayan phrase book then. Shocking behaviour and just about sums up what a despicable character he has.

What I don't get though, is why the FA abandoned the pre-match handshake at the QPR/Chelsea game recently to avoid a similar incident with Terry and Ferdinand, and yet saw fit to allow it here? They must be at fault too.

Either way, once more English football in the headlines for all the wrong reasons and it doesn't help that Dalglish refuses to discuss the problem and insists he didn't see it. Try the TV...

Looking Better

2012-02-12T09:18:00.004+07:00

Pos	Team	P	GD	Pts
View full table
No movement1	Man Utd	25	36	58
No movement2	Man City	24	44	57
No movement3	Tottenham	25	24	53
No movement4	Arsenal	25	13	43
No movement5	Chelsea	25	13	43
No movement6	Newcastle	25	0	42
No movement7	Liverpool	25	6	39
No movement8	Norwich	25	-4	35
No movement9	Sunderland	25	8	33
No movement10	Everton	25	-1	33
No movement11	Swansea	25	-4	30
No movement12	Fulham	25	-5	30
No movement13	Stoke	25	-14	30
No movement14	Aston Villa	24	-4	28
No movement15	West Brom	24	-10	26
No movement16	QPR	25	-17	21
No movement17	Wolves	24	-17	21
No movement18	Blackburn	25	-19	21
No movement19	Bolton	25	-22	20
No movement20	Wigan	25	-27	19

COYS!

2012-02-12T09:17:00.004+07:00

Even I didn't think we could put five past Newcastle (and no way am I saying owt to wifey) and with Chelsea losing to Everton, it gives us a bit of daylight. The only downer is that The Arse are now in 5th spot...

BBC

Louis Saha's brace helped Tottenham demolish Newcastle and cap a tumultuous week for Spurs manager Harry Redknapp.

Emmanuel Adebayor played a part in all four first-half goals, squaring for Benoit Assou-Ekotto to tap in before crossing for Saha's opening volley.

The Togolese touched off a Luka Modric pass for Saha to make it 3-0 from 12 yards before Niko Kranjcar side-footed in after Adebayor's effort was saved.

Adebayor did get his goal though, volleying in the fifth after the break.

The opening 45 minutes were just what Redknapp would have wanted from his side given the extraordinary last few days he has endured.

Cleared of tax evasion charges on Wednesday , the 64-year-old remained in the spotlight for the rest of the week as the leading candidate to succeed Fabio Capello as England manager following the Italian's resignation .se accessible player and disable flyout

It was a blistering opening by Tottenham, whose fans were still affectionately singing Redknapp's name when Adebayor exchanged passes with Gareth Bale on the edge of the box and set up the unmarked Assou-Ekotto for the simplest of tap-ins at the back post.

Redknapp had barely retaken his seat before he was up celebrating again afterJanuary signing Saha darted into the box and volleyed Adebayor's right-wing cross past Newcastle keeper Tim Krul from 10 yards to make it 2-0.

And Saha, who scored two goals in 20 games for Everton this season prior to his move to north London, made it two in 20 minutes at White Hart Lane for Spurs with another cool finish.

Assou-Ekotto started the move with a precise pass into Luka Modric who skipped into the box before finding Adebayor who in turn nudged the ball into the path of Saha and the striker nonchalantly side-footed in.

A shell-shocked Newcastle did not help themselves with numerous passes going astray and even when they did manage to forage forward, luck was against them - Demba Ba tested Spurs keeper Brad Friedel with a 20-yard free-kick but referee Andre Marriner missed the American's fingertip save and gave a goal-kick.

Tottenham looked likely to score every time they ventured over the halfway line and the fourth came after just 34 minutes when Kranjcar, who had earlier blasted an 18-yard effort over the bar, rolled in his first goal of the season from 15 yards after Krul kept out Adebayor's low shot.ccessible player and disable flyout menu

Almost one year ago to the day, Newcastle fought back from 4-0 down to draw 4-4 with Arsenal at St James' Park but any half-time thoughts the travelling Toon Army may have had or a repeat showing were expunged when Adebayor scored a goal his performance so richly deserved with 25 minutes remaining.

The striker swivelled and volleyed on the turn after Saha had flicked on Assou-Ekotto's cross.

It proved to be Saha's last meaningful contribution as Redknapp replaced him and Bale with Aaron Lennon and Jermain Defoe, both of whom wreaked more havoc with their pace.

However, it was Newcastle who should have scored the sixth goal of the game. Danny Guthrie's teasing ball into box was met by Ba but his powerful header was well saved by Friedel and, with the goal at his mercy, Dan Gosling scooped the rebound over the bar.

Adebayor fired inches wide and cleared the crossbar with another effort while Krul kept out a fiercely struck Modric effort as Tottenham pressed to the end.

Funny

2012-02-12T09:11:00.003+07:00

We've just bought the entire 007 DVD collection, all 22 filums, and today they're having a Bond-fest on one of the movie channels. Luckily, we haven't a DVD player with us.

Best Meal Yet

2012-02-12T08:53:00.000+07:00

We always eat well here but yesterday's food was a clear winner- so far. Stuffed tenderloin of pork (with a mushroom, caper and blue cheese sauce) with fries and salad, all for $4.50. Wifey had the ginger fish with steamed rice and we got change out of a tenner.

Pizza soon, we're just waiting for my taste buds to return following my bout of man flu.

What a Pallaver

2012-02-12T08:51:00.000+07:00

Trying to get a Cambodian SIM.

Having forgotten (not realised) I needed my passport and Visa, I duly returned with both documents (easy, the visa is in the passport) and expected it to take a few minutes. Not a chance.

It must have been near half an hour with both visa and passport getting scanned and I even had to give up my thumb print!

And the system for calling is not so easy either. Every time you make a call, you have to do the following:

1- Enter the dial code "323"
2- Select option "2" (English)
3- Enter the scratch card code for your credit (10 digits)
4- #
5- Country code
6- Area code
7- Actual phone number
8- #

Luckily we don't have many people to ring...

Quote/Unquote

2012-02-12T08:45:00.002+07:00

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

- Harold Wilson

Can't Do It

2012-02-12T08:44:00.000+07:00

With a gone midnight kick off, no way were we staying up to see the Spurs v Toon game and I am now crapping myself over the score. The most sensible thing to do is to check the BBC, but I haven't quite plucked up the courage- maybe I'll just waffle on for a bit instead...